What if your parents want too much say in financial matters or they don’t like your choice of companion? Even if you and your fiancé, both have the same vision for your wedding, you still have to agree on the combined guest list, program, type of ceremony and many other areas including where to go on your honeymoon. Your wedding party will want some participation in choosing their attire, especially if they are paying for it. You may think vendors will just concede to anything you ask because you’re paying them, but they too will not only have opinions, but also are great resources of experience and expertise. So how do you not only avoid the heated battle that can ruin the harmony of your day, but both get what you want?
According to negotiation experts Roger Fisher and William Ury, in “Getting to Yes”, the first step is to separate the people from the problem. Participants should see each other as working together to attack the problem, not each other. Second is to find out what the underlying interests are. If you recognize that you both want the wedding to be successful and happy, you have something to work together on. Next, think about a variety of options for mutual gain. Finally, agree on an objective criterion so that neither party feels they need give in to the other.
Ego and pride can be huge obstacles when trying to come up with solutions under pressure. Give the other party the opportunity to save face. This is especially important with parents. Parents can be extremely emotional when it comes to their children and are not always the mature ones. The term ‘mama bear’ is descriptive of just how extreme those emotions can get. The reason they act this way is because they love you so much. Try to keep perspective and acknowledge that support as well as their concerns.
Everyone wants to be understood. By working together for mutually beneficial outcomes, you will create a harmonious and warm environment for everyone to benefit.
Article by Magna Goerke
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