Guest List Tips for Your Wedding

Assembling the guest list for you wedding can be a very stressful activity. You have to combine not just the list of people you know, but also your parents, your fiancé and his parents. Whoever is hosting the wedding generally will have the final say as they are the ones providing the finances.

If you are a traditional bride, you’ll want to invite everyone you know and have ever known. It’s important, although not romantic, to recognize there is a cost attached to each guest. For an affordable wedding you’re looking at $25-50 per person.

Start by handwriting your list, but put it in a spreadsheet as soon as possible. An electronic list will save you hours of time and provide a huge amount of flexibility. Once it is electronic you can not only email it around to the deciding parties that may not all be local to you, but you can sort it in so many useful ways. You can use it to figure out assigned seating and keep track of details like what gift you received so you can send a meaningful and specific thank you note. You can even use it to mailmerge creative labels and save hours of handwriting on envelopes.

As you are preparing your list, keep in mind that there is usually 10-20% attrition rate of guests invited to actual attending. One of the most common mistakes is inviting too many guests. It can be an emotional and difficult task to pare down the list.

• Choose your battles. Be firm but give in if it’s a small issue and emotions are running high. It’s better to be on good terms with parents.

• Be fair. Try to give both sides of the family equal representation. Unless of course you are having more than one reception because families are so far apart, then you’ll have higher concentrations in each city.

Don’t include “and guest”. If a guest is single with no significant other, tell them that space is tight and not to bring a guest.

• If you don’t hang out with your co-workers outside of the office, don’t include them. It’s nice to invite your boss and assistant if you can though.

• If you’re not inviting children, be consistent. Have a guideline like no one under 18 or only nieces and nephews or something along those lines to be fair.

• Avoid chain-gangs. If inviting one person compels you to add 6 others by association, you should not invite them. i.e. a second cousin, then have to invite all 2nd cousins.

• Stagger the invitations. As a last resort you can, if you send out your invitations early enough, send out to a second list once you receive some regrets. Be careful not to let them suspect they are on the B list though.

If you have a smaller guest list you may be able to get into a smaller, less expensive venue and splurge a little on the details. It’s a difficult task, but try to keep perspective on what your wedding is actually for and it will help you as you decide who you want to share that incredibly significant commitment you make to each other.

Article by Magna Goerke "The DIY Wedding Expert"

How to Choose your Wedding Party

Once you’re engaged, it’s exciting to share the news with everyone you know. In the glow of romance you can easily make rash decisions. A common mistake is to choose your wedding party too early. It’s hard to take back a request to be a bridesmaid after you realize you’ve just gushed the news and blurted to too many friends, ‘you just have to be in my wedding party.’

Select your bridal party only after you have set a wedding date, reserved a reception site and firmed up your guest list. It’s completely up to you how many attendants you have, but if you have a fairly small wedding, it could look a little incongruous to have a bridal party of 12 and a guest list of 80. A good gauge to go by is one usher per 50 guests.

Just because you were asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding doesn’t mean she has to be in yours. There are so many factors that should be considered. This is a big responsibility, so consider their circumstances. It can be a $250-$500 commitment to be in a wedding party. Be sure they are aware of your expectations, before they say yes. Let them know if you expect them to buy their own clothing, give a speech, or throw a party. It can be a strain on the relationship if you have an expectation that they are either unaware of or unwilling to fulfill. If you still want to ask someone you know can’t afford it, offer to help them with the costs.

If you have a lot of close friends and family you think should be in your wedding party but don’t want that large of a group, give them other responsibilities. If you have a very close friend from out of town that wouldn’t be able to fulfill a lot of expected duties ahead of time, ask them to do a reading, or make a rehearsal dinner toast so they still feel included.

These days tradition has become a lot more flexible. It really doesn’t matter if you have an uneven tally of bridesmaids and groomsmen. An usher can escort a bridesmaid on either arm and be entirely acceptable. A bride’s best friend may be a man or a groom’s best friend a woman. The bottom line is to choose the people that are closest to you and you know are going to be happy to help.

Maid in bridesmaid, should be less about marital status and more about serviceability. Just keep perspective. Although your wedding is the most important thing in your life right now, it is not necessarily the most important thing to them. Don’t become ‘Bridezilla’ and remind yourself “they’re my bridesmaids, not my servants.”

Your wedding party are there to love and support you and make sure you stay relaxed and have fun. If you take your time choosing, and communicate clearly with them, you are sure to create wonderful memories together that you can reminisce over for many years to come.

Article by Magna Goerke "The DIY Wedding Expert"

Negotiating Mutually Beneficial Agreement for Your Wedding

Weddings are highly emotional events. This is because two people have committed the rest of their lives together and have invited everyone they love to celebrate with them. All this emotion can lead to some pretty heated battles.

What if your parents want too much say in financial matters or they don’t like your choice of companion? Even if you and your fiancé, both have the same vision for your wedding, you still have to agree on the combined guest list, program, type of ceremony and many other areas including where to go on your honeymoon. Your wedding party will want some participation in choosing their attire, especially if they are paying for it. You may think vendors will just concede to anything you ask because you’re paying them, but they too will not only have opinions, but also are great resources of experience and expertise. So how do you not only avoid the heated battle that can ruin the harmony of your day, but both get what you want?

According to negotiation experts Roger Fisher and William Ury, in “Getting to Yes”, the first step is to separate the people from the problem. Participants should see each other as working together to attack the problem, not each other. Second is to find out what the underlying interests are. If you recognize that you both want the wedding to be successful and happy, you have something to work together on. Next, think about a variety of options for mutual gain. Finally, agree on an objective criterion so that neither party feels they need give in to the other.

Ego and pride can be huge obstacles when trying to come up with solutions under pressure. Give the other party the opportunity to save face. This is especially important with parents. Parents can be extremely emotional when it comes to their children and are not always the mature ones. The term ‘mama bear’ is descriptive of just how extreme those emotions can get. The reason they act this way is because they love you so much. Try to keep perspective and acknowledge that support as well as their concerns.

Everyone wants to be understood. By working together for mutually beneficial outcomes, you will create a harmonious and warm environment for everyone to benefit.

Article by Magna Goerke

Expect the best on Your Wedding Day!

So you’re engaged. Where do you start? Where do you go? How do you plan what’s probably the biggest event of your life? It can be a little overwhelming especially if you have a limited budget.

The first thing future brides usually do is buy a wedding magazine. They are full of photos of designer dresses and massive weddings where budgets are in the range of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Since contentment lies in the gap between expectation and reality, this ideal can set you up for big disappointment when you look at your savings account. You want the extraordinary wedding in the magazines and on the TV, but you only have an ordinary budget.

You set a budget, but forget about it once you see the dress of your dreams and tally up the number of guests you want to invite. It’s easy to get swept away with the glamour of what’s available for weddings these days. But is it worth it? According to the “Bestman” from Wedding Bells Magazine, “memories last forever, and debt almost as long”. Think about what you want most for your life together. Do you want to start your marriage with a staggering debt that can turn into the number one reason for divorce?

This is your day. It’s about the commitment you are making with your chosen partner. The guests, the party, the gifts, the details, are all peripheral to this promise. The most memorable weddings are not always the most extravagant. It’s the little touches that guests remember such as the 1st dance, or a moving speech. What guests really want to see is a happy couple who look relaxed and madly in love – that doesn’t cost a penny, just preparation and contentment.

Expect the best for you as a couple and not some New York magazine’s version of the best. If you manage your expectations based on your resources, you will maximize your contentment and have the extraordinary wedding you expect.

Article by Magna Goerke

Four Big Decisions for your Wedding Day

As soon as you get engaged, there is a flurry of activity and decisions to be made. Then there is a lull, and another flurry of activity just before the wedding. After you share the good news, the first flurry starts with four big decisions that can affect each other significantly - Budget, Location, Date, and Guest List.

BUDGET - Your budget will affect everything. Don’t worry about an exact number to stick to as you will likely modify it a few times. You should, however; set some parameters right away to make sure the other decisions are realistic. Bear in mind that the most memorable weddings are not always the most extravagant. It’s often the little touches that guests remember such as the 1st dance, or a moving speech so try to be imaginative rather than just flashing your cash. What guests really want to see is a happy couple who look relaxed and madly in love. That doesn’t cost a penny but it does require preparation.

LOCATION - Ideally you should book your location a year in advance as the popular sites go fast. Unless you have a great private location with flexible dates, this can determine your date due to availability. As an example, your chances of getting a location for 07-07-07 are pretty much nil and none unless you booked it a long time ago.

DATE - Many choose a date on a long weekend so they and their guests can have an extra day. This isn’t as opportune an idea as it sounds at first. Costs can be greater on holiday weekends and cheap flights may be less available. You may gain some out of town guests and lose some local guests that made holiday plans before they knew about your wedding. So know your guest list and pick a date accordingly. If budget is an issue, you might want to consider a Friday which is often discounted instead of the popular Saturday for your wedding day celebration.

GUEST LIST - The guest list will affect many decisions. Where will your guests be coming from and what is the most central location for everyone? How large a venue will you need, and how much of a budget is required? Although it’s not very romantic, it’s important to realize that there is a cost attached to each invited guest. One of the most significant wedding mistakes is inviting too many people. If you keep the numbers low, you have a better chance of connecting with your guests in a meaningful way and perhaps be able to accommodate everyone at a more intimate and economical setting.

All these decisions can be challenging to make, especially when you have so many people to please. Set priorities early on so you know the parameters you have to make your important decisions within.


Article by Magna Goerke